Though Divided
by stupid-tai
Summary: "Though a swift stream is divided by a boulder in its headlong flow, Though divided, on it rushes, and at last unites again..." At least, she hopes.


Chihaya could feel herself dozing off. She'd overslept that morning—Chitose had tossed her Daddy Bear alarm clock in the trash by accident, thinking it was the disembodied head of some broken toy—which somehow made her even more tired. Missing breakfast meant she gorged herself during lunch, of course. It wasn't until halfway through the second of the extra bentos she'd stolen from home that she began to feel sick. Hoping a walk might refresh her, Chihaya stepped outside, but the humidity was suffocating and it made her clothes stick to her skin. Still, she walked until she found a bench near the sakura trees in front of the school. Even the trees couldn't block out the sun's powerful rays. With a full stomach and the terrible sun beating down on her, lethargy crept into her mind…

"Hey!"

Chihaya jerked awake. The sensation of falling asleep abruptly stopped and it made her want to puke up her lunch. She hoped she wouldn't barf all over the person who'd caught her from tumbling off the bench.

Steadying herself, she mumbled, "Fanks," a hand over her mouth for good measure. Her stomach settled after a suspenseful few moments, but when she glanced up she locked eyes with Taichi. She kind of felt like puking again.

After fighting the urge to sputter an excuse and high-tail it across the Pacific Ocean, Chihaya couldn't help but soak him in. His hair blew in the wind that somehow wasn't there a minute before to cool her down, as if it had followed him. His tie was loose so his collarbones peeked out from his carefully disheveled shirt, which always made the other girls swoon. Sweat trickled down his jaw line the way it did when he played karuta. He looked handsome as ever. But his eyes were tired. Chihaya had seen him play an entire soccer tournament, win an English spelling bee, practice karuta, and study for exams all in one day, and sure he'd been tired, but she'd never seen him looking so…exhausted. She wondered if it was her fault. What Retro-kun said to her reverberated in her mind _—"You only bother looking at those who are stronger than you. You can be cold that way."_ She wondered if he'd been exhausted all this time and she simply hadn't been paying any attention.

His gaze flickered downward, becoming affixed with the tiles lining the courtyard. His hand snapped to his side, which left her arm burning where his grip had been.

"Taichi…" she whispered. She didn't really have much else to say. What did you say to someone who had been avoiding you for months—whom you had been avoiding for months? He was always better with words than she was, but now he wasn't saying anything either. The silence was more suffocating than the heat.

When he finally spoke, it was to tell her, "You shouldn't be falling asleep out here; it's too hot. You'll get heatstroke…and I'll have to carry you to the nurse's office. Again."

It was actually somewhat of a common occurrence. Was heatstroke worth it? Probably.

He glared into her eyes, as if reading her mind. "I'm serious, Chihaya; get inside." With that, he made to walk off, but before he could take a step Chihaya grasped the hem of his shirt. It was reflex, and letting him go would have been much easier and far less scary, but now that he was in front of her she couldn't stop herself from tugging him toward the bench.

Taichi sighed, but he sat next to her without a word. She questioned how he could do that; she'd have run as far away as she could. Even after he confessed, he still attended practice as usual for a short time, playing karuta as usual, smiling with the others as usual… It dawned on her that that's what he'd been doing well before he confessed, before they'd even graduated elementary school. How could a person endure that much for so long?

 _I'm an idiot,_ Chihaya berated herself. How could she have missed the signs? Was she really that dense? When she told her mother about Taichi's momentous confession, her mother just rolled her eyes.

" _Chihaya, that boy's been head-over-heels for you since you bit him in the third grade."_

" _I didn't bite him, he punched me in the teeth!"_

" _Chihaya, I_ saw _you do it."_

Kana-chan's reaction had been quite the same. When could they have figured it out? They didn't spend every waking moment with him— _Chihaya_ did. She knew him better than anyone…right?

But that was wrong. He spent every waking moment with _her_ , and he knew _her_ better than anyone. She didn't know him at all; all she knew was karuta. The thought sent bile to her throat.

"Oi, I can hear you thinking."

 _Oi_? Taichi was usually so gentle. She snuck a glance in his direction. He was slouched over, his head resting in his hand with his bag across his lap, supporting his elbow. His palm pressing into his cheek formed a natural pout. She could almost imagine they were twelve again, and he'd just lost another game to her. It struck her how much he'd grown. He was taller and more mature-looking, yes, but he had become sweet, kind, and supportive. She remembered him telling her how he'd stolen Arata's glasses all those years ago. He was only a child, under all the pressure in the world to be the best at everything, and yet his admission had been so grave and ashamed. Had that memory been haunting him all this time?

"I don't blame you, you know." It was what she wanted to say, but he said it first. He looked into her eyes, but she looked away. He sat up, sighed, and rubbed his temples. "I never really expected you to notice in the first place."

That stung…but it was also fair.

"I was— I was too much of a coward to tell you earlier, which is exactly what I wanted to avoid. I dunno…"

Chihaya didn't agree so much. He had put up with the ridicule of his peers. He had endured his mother's wrath and sometimes grueling practice. He'd suffered loss after loss, when losing was the only thing he feared as much as cowardice. His grades had dropped, and as much as Chihaya would be over the moon about second place on any exam, Taichi had never known anything but first—was never expected to _be_ anything but first. He'd endured unrequited love…all for a game he didn't always like. Retro-kuns words invaded her mind once again, and she couldn't help thinking that maybe Taichi was never interested in becoming Meijin after all. Maybe he just wanted her to notice him. To Chihaya, Taichi was the bravest person she knew, but she bit her tongue. Would he want to hear that coming from her?

They sat in silence a bit longer. The wind he'd brought with him was starting to cool her flesh. She no longer felt full or drowsy. The bell that marked the beginning of the period had rung a few minutes ago, but she didn't care. She was nervous that he didn't seem to care, either.

"So…how is the club doing? Is everyone doing well?"

Chihaya felt horrible. When it came to his emotions she couldn't say a thing, but she found her voice once he brought up karuta. He just smiled, as if he were used to it. She talked about how they got so many first years who were all trying their best, even if they're a handful sometimes. She complained that the rules for the Regional Teams Qualifier changed so much while she was away that she didn't even have time to learn them all. She insisted that they lost the Regional Tournament because she wasn't as good at supporting the team as Taichi was, but Desktomu really pulled through and landed them in Nationals. It all came pouring forth, and she wondered how she ever got used to not speaking with Taichi in the first place.

He interrupted her as she laughed about how she left her hakama at home for the Regional Tournament. "Chihaya." The smile slipped off her face. His voice was so stern. She looked over to see his eyes boring angrily into hers. "Why did you leave the karuta club?"

 _Oops._

"It was only for a little while, Taichi. It wasn't a big deal, honest…"

"Not a big deal?" Taichi sat forward so quickly he almost stood up. "Chihaya, you're trying to become Queen! Even ignoring that, you love karuta more than anything. This is your last year to fight together with everyone. Plus, you've improved so drastically over these past few years, and you know Wakamiya is just going to get stronger every day. What if you killed your stride and can't catch up—"

"Taichi," Chihaya whispered. His voice cut off; she was surprised he could hear her at all. "Are you under the impression that I'm made of stone?"

He looked gobsmacked. Maybe she felt good at that; karuta wasn't the only thing she cared about, and it was about time someone realized it.

Taichi eventually sat back and gave a hollow chuckle. It was dark, too dark for Taichi, and it broke her heart to hear. "So it was my fault? Figures. God, I knew I shouldn't have said anything... I'm sorry, Chihaya; I didn't mean to mess everything up for you. That was the last thing I wanted."

"Then come back to the club, Taichi," she insisted, grabbing his arm and shaking it pleadingly. "You can meet all our first years—you'd be a wonderful teacher, I just know it. We'll win team tournaments with you there, and everything can be like it was—"

"Chihaya, I can't go back to that." He said it so softly, but it frustrated her so much she wanted to cry. "I— I miss all of you. And I'll never stop being everyone's friend. I'll never stop being your friend, Chihaya. But I need time right now. It needs to sink in that karuta…karuta and Arata are the only two things you're truly in love with."

Chihaya felt like he'd electrocuted her. _Arata?_ How did Taichi know about her feelings for Arata? Did he hear Arata's confession? If so, that must have been the heaviest blow to Taichi's already fragile confidence. Or perhaps she was as transparent as she was oblivious. She wanted to deny how she felt about Arata, to tell him there was nothing between them and therefore nothing to worry about so just come back to the club—to her. But she had a feeling he knew what she felt just as well as she did; Taichi had given her his almost undivided attention these past few years, and the realization weighed heavily on her chest. What could she do? Would it hurt him more to lie to him or to admit the truth?

Her silence spoke for itself.

Taichi looked away. He gently peeled her hands from his arm and stood, slinging his bag over his shoulder. "It's all right, Chihaya. I just need some space, okay? You should get to class; Miyauchi is going to have a fit."

He strode back toward the school, taking the air in her lungs with him.

Get to class? Not in such a condition. She cried to herself for a bit, shedding a few tears for Taichi, too, because he hardly ever did. How could she so badly hurt her closest friend, who had been through so much with her— _for_ her—and not even notice? Was she really that selfish?

It took her a minute to calm down. She dried her tears on her blouse—another earful from Miyauchi, she was sure. But she found she could breathe evenly again, which was a start.

As she stood and smoothed her skirt, Chihaya's mind whirled with thoughts and emotions. But one thing Taichi said resounded clearly: _"…karuta and Arata are the only two things you're truly in love with."_

Perhaps Taichi didn't know everything about her.

* * *

A/N: So I'm pretty frickin' obsessed with Chihayafuru. And yeah, I haven't been this emotionally involved with a love triangle since Percy Jackson, but the sport itself is dope as hell once you learn how it works, and the love drama completely takes a back seat when there's a match going on if you're not into that kind of stuff. And the characters have some of the best development, man.

Also, as a disclaimer, I don't think Chihaya's as selfish or mean-spirited as I make her out to be here. I just think that she believes she's selfish and mean-spirited at the moment.

Anyway, might turn into a two-shot. Or a three-shot. We'll see.


End file.
